Balance

My daughter, Jessica, a freshman at SUNY's Purchase College in New York, just went back to school after having been home for Spring Break. The mention of Spring Break might bring some of us to imagine young people having too good of a time at places that have lots of sun and sand and alcohol or drugs. But for my daughter, it was one week of focusing on what her classes needed from her, compounded by what her extra-curricular commitments demanded. She's always been a somewhat driven person, admiringly inspired and impassioned to contribute creatively to the world around her. And I've always respected her for that. But I wish she could have more fun than stress.

Some years before Jessica was born, I remember my dear friend, Meredith, in her first semester at medical school, crying on the phone to me, telling me she was having no fun. She was feeling like her life was on hold because school was so demanding. I comforted her and asked what sort of grades she was getting. With a sob of helplessness, she told me she was getting all As. I thought for a moment, then asked her if she really NEEDED to get all As. She mused on that and exclaimed that no, she didn't need As but she liked getting them. I asked what would be the lowest grade she would allow herself to get and she told me a B. So I suggested she apply herself only to the level of earning Bs and use the newly leftover time to play. She actually took that advice. The next call from her was from a very happy Meredith. She told me she had succeeded in creating balance in her life and was surprisingly pleased with the effects of that balance.

Balance. Something so basic to understand, yet so easy to lose sight of. The first thing that goes is our appreciation of its value. Then our self-awareness fades as we lose ourselves in our passionate drive to do it all and excel enough to make a difference. But, like the road to hell being paved with good intentions, we may end up abusing ourselves in support of the mission. Not seeing the forest for the trees.

My hope for Jessica, and for the rest of us who are busily blinded by our honorable intentions and good effort, is that we come to embrace balance.

Waking up and smelling the imbalance is the first step. That is, you can't change what you're doing unless you know what you're doing. And the way I'm thinking about "embracing balance" here would mean seeing to it that you're grounded in the world of challenge AND grounded in the world of comfort.

Imagine that balance: challenge, but not at the expense of comfort, and comfort but not at the expense of challenge. Can you imagine the spacious balance between fun and functionality that would come with that? I think opportunities would flow better under these less stressful conditions.

Now imagine developing a commitment to manage your moments and involvements such that you are able to maintain that balance. Yeah, that probably means you'd have to up your level of self discipline. But while "self discipline" might still carry the emotional impact of a monster under your bed, it really just comes down to two things - monitoring and managing. Monitoring is simply noticing when your life is out of balance - when the strength of your drive inhibits your ability to enjoy the process. And managing is consciously responding to your life being - or going - out of balance;

Put simply, if you can practice noticing your impulses to do things, you can respond to that awareness by thinking them through instead of blindly indulging them. As simple as that is, this is where self discovery - monitoring - meets self improvement - managing. Many people rush right past the opportunity for self discovery when they want "results". But I've found that sustainable self improvement needs the solid ground of self discovery to dig in its roots and flourish creatively.

Not just Jessica, but so many of us are in the college years of discovering what matters to us enough to commit our time and energy to - with enough clarity to reject the opportunities that are attractive but have less real meaning to us. Don't difuse your creative potential by indulging every impulse that comes down the neuropathways. If you want to discover what does matter to you, notice what impulses you do indulge. Notice them so you can relate consciously to them, and thus, to yourself. While it's possible to live in a trance wherein you think you know who you are, it's possible that self discovery can wake you up out of that trance. The impulses you act on tell you what you're in fact doing, and what you're doing shows you who you are in fact being. If what you're doing is not in integrity with what matters to you, you are out of balance. Support your drive when it fuels your passion, but not when its expense outweighs its meaning to you. Strive for this balance.

Monitoring and managing, seeing and responding, being and doing. We're designed to do these things. This blog will share ways to develop the resources required to reach incredible levels of functionality, freedom, and flow. Commit to putting into ever sharpening practice your skills of paying attention and taking action. You become what you practice. Practice balance.

(By the way, you can check out Jessica's own blog at http://glowinthedust.blogspot.com and her beautiful website at http://jessicalehrman.com)